Proverbs 13:12
What does this scripture mean to you? Just found out tonight what it means to me... AND IT'S PRETTY STINKIN' EXCITING... TO ME ANYWAY!!!!!!! :)
I was explaining to someone how that, when I was younger, I used to always say, "I hope so! I hope this or I hope that!" I was always saying that. And it just came hit me and came out, " NOW, Jesus is MY HOPE MANIFESTED!!!!" ta-da... a real lightbulb moment!!!!!!! :) I think I said it was pretty exciting, right??!! .... 'cause I just am SOOOO FREAKIN' EXCITED... I FEEL SOOOO LOVED AND LIKE THE MOST BLESSED PERSON IN THE WHOLE WIDE WORLD RIGHT AT THIS MOMENT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :) ... actually it's been more than a moment because this happened a little earlier, but i could just stay in this momentous moment FOREVER!!!!!!! :)
So, back to the question about the scripture, "Hope deferred...." Hope ~ I had hope (was hopeful, joyful, happy,), my hope was deferred (postponed, delayed, withheld for or until a stated time) ... now I'm not sure exactly as to the why or how on that yet... did I not show or share my hope enough, was it stifled somehow? I know I had asked Jesus into my heart as a child, but didn't know where to take Him, so to speak. So I think I was full of Jesus, (i.e. hope and joy!), and probably about to BURST at the seams (I figure that because that's how I am about Him!! lol) :)
Alas, what happens when SO MUCH can't come out or doesn't have a place to go? Well I'll tell you where it stinkin' went.... INSIDE... manifesting it's YUCKY self in me in such things like depression, self hatred, self destruction, guilt, internalizing EVERYTHING... i was a pro at taking any situation with any friend, family member, acquaintance, or stranger, and if something didn't turn out right, most of the time sincerely and willingly taking the blame for it.
...So that's the "Hope deferred maketh the heart sick" part... I sure hope ( have to chuckle here! lol) that this makes sense to someone besides me!! lol :) Not getting to let all my hope and joy, i.e. JESUS, out...made my heart hurt and sick (in all the destructive ways it manifested itself).
I guess I'd say, after years of that, I just kind of Jesus go by the wayside... :( WHAT A WASTE OF MY LIFE... AND HIS... letting Him go by the wayside, that is!!!!!!!
Fast forward 8, 10, 12, almost 20 years now, and let's just say... I was finally so miserable with all that I had done with and in my life... the desire finally cometh (cameth, but you get the point, right... the scripture:)), I ,now an adult , asked Jesus to have a relationship with me and be my all in all, my everything, my Prince of Peace, my Lord and my Savior, my friend.... i.e. THE TREE OF LIFE!!!!!!! :) Now, I have BACK all the hope and joy I had when I first asked Jesus into my heart as a child... talk about one HAPPY AND THANKFUL lady!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :)
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